My wife lost her father when she was in her twenties. I never met him, but I was told we’re very similar and I believe strongly that we would have gotten along swimmingly. He was diagnosed with leukemia when my wife was 11, and passed when she was 28 from years of chronic health issues.
As a result, her childhood experience differed from most young girls her age. Years of traveling back and forth to hospitals, follow-ups, appointments, and treatments ensued. During all of this, she remembers someone gifted her father a book called, “Why Not Me?” The book focused on acceptance and its impact on decision making versus the “why me?” feeling-sorry-for-oneself approach to adversity.
It’s an interesting perspective…and it’s certainly a very visceral example of an intersection all people arrive at multiple times a day. The decision to accept the reality of adversity frees someone to focus on making sound decisions.
One of the skills I teach at AEI is the late Trevor Moawad’s concept of neutral thinking. It is a particularly useful tool for those that operate in high stress professions such as law enforcement, fire, EMS, dispatch, emergency room staff, military personnel, C or D level leadership positions, etc.
In his books “It Takes What it Takes” and “Getting To Neutral”, Moawad does an excellent job of documenting the science behind how just how powerful negativity is. Although positive thinking is certainly preferred to a negative attitude or thought process, sometimes things just aren’t positive. What then?
Neutral thinking dictates that when something bad happens, it’s important to accept it as reality but understand it is not predictive of the future. It forces a person to dial in on the most important course of action, making the next correct decision.
I have already discussed the power of gratitude in previous blogs. Attitude, however, may be the single biggest factor in determining the outcome of things. The anecdotal support for this position is overwhelming. If you’re still skeptical, wake up tomorrow convinced that your day is going to suck, and when it’s over, email me and let me know how it went.
Attitude can move mountains. As a lifelong Buffalo Bills fan, I was moved to the point of getting emotional when Raymond Davis had his breakout game against the Jets this year. If you’re not familiar with Davis’ story, treat yourself to some time to research him.
The rookie running back (who is 5’8” by the way), spent most of his childhood either homeless or in orphanages. While in middle school, Davis elected to stay in a state run orphanage so two of his younger siblings could go to a foster family together and not get separated.
Ray Davis has had every legitimate reason to not be successful in life repeatedly hurled at him. It would have been easy to embrace a “why me?” attitude while never accomplishing anything. He is an excellent example of “why not me?” in the affirmative sense.
The reason I am so passionate about being a Success Training Officer, particularly for those who have sacrificed their “normalcy” in the service of others, is because I have literally lived it. All the tactics, techniques, and procedures I speak about, present on, or coach with are things I have used with great success after a lifetime of seeping in adversity and stress.
I believe there are no such things as accidents. I was driving home from the gym this week listening to a podcast. In the podcast, an old classic metaphor I had forgotten was mentioned. No great sailor was ever made by sailing on smooth seas. Great sailors are made during the storms. When life is difficult, don’t wish for calm seas; just learn to be a better sailor.
One reason Trevor Moawad’s book “Getting To Neutral” resonated with me was because he was applying his own process to himself. He had total buy in to the technique and used what he had taught to an untold number of high-level athletes in his own life as he battled cancer. I read that book in early 2023.
My wife received the results of her recent biopsy. It’s cancer, but highly treatable and the survival rate is 99%. She told me about her father being gifted the book, “Why Not Me?” when she was growing up. I have watched her in awe as she has processed the reality of the results, deliver the news to our inner-circle, and immediately begin working on finding the next correct decision. I have not seen a single shred of “why me”?
Attitude truly is everything. We both know that in the near future we will look back on this entire experience in good health, living the good life, feeling gratitude for what skilled sailors we have become. After all, why not us?
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